Friday, August 7, 2009
Attack!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
to all my fine feathered friends
the problem you see is that like all to many words these days, it has been watered down into meaninglessness. it used to be that a man stood for something, now it simply means being over the age of 18 or having slept with someone and these both feel wrong to me. over the years i came to the conclusion that it was a contradictory mix of hardened cynicism and naive optimism, a quixotic attempt to take responsibility for your own life; this of course led me to the existentialist viewpoint i have today.
it's been said that Rudyard Kipling will be forgiven what he said for the manner in which he said it. even today 'the white man's burden' is a shining example of persuasiveness, but i think you should all read 'if' and ask yourself if you are a man.
[IF]
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
Monday, December 29, 2008
call me the handler, i handle things; wait i take that back, it makes me sounds like a chronic masturbator...
my other good news is a brilliant idea i had this morning. the obama campaign has shown us all that grass roots donations online can raise staggering amounts of money for popular causes; i suggest we take this in a strange and wonderful new direction. assassainations! people all over the world could donate small amounts and we could amass large bounties on the heads of all sorts of nuisance people. Bernie Madoff, Paris Hilton and Colonel Sanders(he's alive, trust me) could all be tried in the most fair of all courts, internet opinion! well it's 3am and i am blogging from bed, which has made me sleeping. i have one last piece of advice for something that bugs me. people saying "adieu" instead of "au revoir". if you're going to speak french at least do it correctly. 'adieu' literally means 'to god'. it's the sort of thing you say to someone for the very last time, because they are going to be dead next time you see them.
toodles
Friday, November 28, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
things i have taught to others: lying is fun!
scott - well it depends, what kind of island?
evan - few kilometres, plants and wildlife. i'm guessing prolly goats or something
scott - well there you go. i'd make friends with the animals, i just chill with them all day and then sleep with all of them during the night so i don't get lonely.
scott - wait
evan - ...what did you just say?
scott - that came out wrong. don't quote me on that
evan - of course not! my good chum